Why I Hate College Football, part pi:

1. Even though the football team at this school is like, Division IV-ZZZ and there isn't even a STADIUM (although we do have some really kicky bleachers) everybody in this God-forsaken town decided to come to the football game today. Which, when I give a moment's consideration to the entertainment options around here, is not really all that surprising. HOWEVER, it did require me to park on the dark side of the moon and WALK a billion miles to my lab so I could get some GODDAMNED work done. It also delayed the eating of my lunch by about 30 minutes, and THAT, young reader, is UNFORGIVABLE.

2. There appears to be a game day uniform for young female students, consisting of the official Cali College t-shirt and the shortest jean skirt allowed by the laws of physics (see abovementioned bleachers). Nothing says "We've got spirit, yes we do" like a heapin' helpin' of ass cheek, apparently.

3. Ok, not technically related to football, but also annoying is this school, which allows third- and fourth-graders to leave class for Bible Study. The school is located in Indiana, natch. Kids who don't participate in the class "do not have instructional time", which I'm assuming is actually code for "head on your desk and contemplate your own damnation" time. The classes are run by the Morgan County Schools of Weekday Religious Education, which said:

...the classes are non-denominational and focus on the Bible.

It seems that in these dark days, 'nondenominational' has come to mean "any deity you want, as long as it's Jesus."