First Morissey, Now This

The Ukranians (who, if you remember, won Eurovision three years ago) have chosen a popular drag queen to represent them this year. This is shaping up to be the best Eurovision ever.

via Perez Hilton

In other news, the BF and I are going to see last year's Eurovision winner, Finnish metal band LORDI, in concert this month! I am a very lucky woman. In case you haven't bought their US album yet (what's wrong with you?!?), here's the video for my favorite song, "It Snows in Hell".

My Life in 3 Easy Steps

Given a massive f-up on the part of my boss, the grant deadline pressure has eased somewhat. Hopefully, that means I'll be able to post dispatches from what can only be considered the most riveting existance in NorCal more than twice a month.

1. I'm back from LA. It was fun, (if stinky) although I was actually outside the city and didn't get to do any real sightseeing. However, not only did I stay right on the beach, I got to have dinner and cocktails with the vivacious Littlest Rebel. She had the 'Schooner', which wasn't all that tasty, but made up for it with the fact that 'Schooner' is really fun to say. Schooner. Try it: Schooner.

1.1 Scratch that - I did do a LITTLE sightseeing. I drove up part of the Pacific Coast Highway, which is a seriously beautiful drive, and I recommend it wholeheartedly. The coastline and beaches are beautiful, and Malibu has some totally rediculous real estate. Plus, after spending a couple of days at the conference eating three meals a day with those joyless hippies from UC Berkeley, seeing some conspicuous consumption was kind of a relief.

2. It seems that, due to a MASSIVE f-up on the part of the human resources department here at California College, I may owe the state of California a trillion, bajillion dollars. I noticed this fact while doing my California taxes yesterday. This was AFTER a three-hour unsuccessful attempt at doing my New York taxes, which required no fewer than THREE separate forms just to demonstrate that I no longer live in New York City.

3. I've made it no secret here that I'm a big fan of Jared Leto. Oh yeah... I could watch him not talk for HOURS. That means I'm a semi-big fan of his band, 30 Seconds to Mars.
Whenever they come on the MTV, I tell the BF to be quiet, so I can watch me some Jared Leto. He, of course, considers JL to be a prancing, pigeon-chested nancy-boy, but there's no accounting for taste, is there? I was a little bewildered, though, when I saw their video for the song 'From Yesterday'. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's sort of a homage (read: rip-off) of 'The Last Emperor'. Seriously, I haven't seen anything this bloated and overwrought since looking in the mirror during my last period. I suppose he has to spend all that 'My So-Called Life' money somehow. For your edification, I've posted the video below. Yeah, that's niiiice.

My Favorite Quote From the Conference So Far

"Oh, [LaBlonde]! I saw someone wearing cute shoes in the lobby; I should have known it was you."

Here are the shoes in question.

Never Fails To Horrify

I'm sitting in the airport, waiting for my flight to LA. (I'll be there for the week, and I'm staying right on the beach. God, I love business travel.) I'm browsing cnn.com, and I come upon this headline:

Sack of baby skeletons found behind hospital.

Is there any phrase more grotesque than "sack of baby skeletons"? I defy you to find one.

In other news, I'm finally feeling better, which suggests that this "immune system" the doctors kept talking about finally decided to get off its fat ass and goddamn DO something.

I recently got a bicycle. I haven't ridden a bicycle in a long, long time, probably since I was a little kid. Riding it isn't really the problem. I mean, it's not shorthand for 'something you never forget' for nothing, you know? The problem is that it's a guy's bike, and it has a very narrow seat. BF and I went on a bike ride last weekend, and holy god, did my ass take a pounding. I had NO IDEA the kind of pain that could result from something as innocent as a BIKE SEAT. Between the snowboarding and the biking, I don't think I've ever had a relationship that was harder on my ass.

Dr. Brazen is just shaking her head right now...

I'm Feeling Better, But...

Here's my phone script for the week:

"I'm sorry, but (person you are looking for) is not in today. Can I take a message?"

Our entire lab (except our technician, who much have mutant disease-resistant abilities) is out with the flu. Unfortunately, even BF has been home sick this week. When I called him one afternoon, to see if he was still alive, he said,

"I don't know, but I just coughed up something that looks like an alien egg. Is that a good thing?"

Tagged

By Dr. Brazen

A- Available or Single? That would appear to no longer be the case. Who knew?
B- Best Friend? Dr. Brazen, Prairie Oyster
C- Cake or Pie? Pie.
D- Drink of Choice? Cranberry juice. That hardcore enough for you, son?
E- Essential Item? A sweater, because I'm one of those annoying people who's always cold.
F- Favorite Color? Black.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms all the way.
H- Hometown? Union Mills, Indiana.
I- Indulgence? Skincare and makeup. Yet I practically wear my pajamas to work. Irony, thy name is me.
J- January or February? Neither. If there's anything that California has taught me, it's that winter is for suckers.
K- Kids and names? Someday, and yes, they'll have them.
L- Life is incomplete without…? A sense of humor.
M- Marriage Date? N/ fuckin' A, motherfuckers.
N- Number of Siblings? 2 brothers, who are both younger and more awesome than me.
O- Oranges or Apples? Apples.
P- Phobias/Fears? I hate birds so much.
Q- Favorite Quote? Right now, I've been quoting the movie 'Dancing Outlaw'.
R- Reasons to smile? The TV show 'Cops'
S- Season? Spring
T- Tag 3 people? Everyone I know has already been tagged. This meme dies with me. Like my seed.
U- Unknown Fact About Me? I was viciously attacked by a pigeon in my grad school office.
V- Vegetable You Hate? I've had a lifelong dispute with green beans.
W-Worst Habit? Compulsive listmaking.
X- Xrays You’ve Had? I haven't had anything x-rayed in recent memory. My insides are a mystery.
Y- Your Favorite Foods? I pretty much see food as the one consistent source of joy in my life. It would be cruel to choose just one.
Z- Zodiac? Virgo.

Why I Haven't Been Blogging

..because about two weeks ago I had a cold that has turned into the sinus infection from HELL. Finally, tired of blowing the snot equivalent of a volkswagon out my face every day, I hied myself over to the ER. Possibly not the smartest thing I could have done, but California College Town lacks a walk-in clinic, and my HMO's "primary care provider" is a gynecologist. I didn't want to go through the byzantine system of office visits and referrals. So, to the ER. To wait.

And wait. Alone. Because, you see, I was the only person in the waiting room. For about an hour and a half. Finally, I got called into the back, where I spent another hour. Waiting. This time, I wasn't exactly alone, because every once in a while a nurse or a med student would pop their head in, and we'd have the following conversation:

Them: So what seems to be the trouble?
Me: For the past two weeks, I've had sinus pain and pressure, a sore throat, and green discharge from my nose. I think it's a sinus infection.
Them: Sounds like it. Had one before?
Me: Yes, all the time.
Them: So what do they usually do for you?
Me: They give me antibiotics.
Them: Aaaah yeah- well, the doctor will be in shortly.

So finally, the doctor comes in and we have the EXACT same conversation. He then asks me if I'm a student. I said that no, I was a postdoc. I KNOW he heard me, because he said, "oh, congratulations". He then proceeded to tell me that he wasn't going to prescribe me any antibiotics, because he didn't really like to, but instead, I should try squirting some saline solution up my nose.

Wait- come again? Saline solution? I might as well swing a live rat above my face while reciting the Lord's prayer. That's ANOTHER popular cure FROM THE DARK AGES. He went on to say that if I was still sick in seven days, I should go to student health. Ok, wait. I missed something. I thought we agreed:

1. I had an active infection.
2...that I'd had for two weeks.
3. I'm not a student - I'm staff, and unable to go to student health. Otherwise, I would have gone to student health IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOT WAITED TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO SEE A GODDAMNED HIPPY DOCTOR WHO WAS GOING TO TELL ME TO TREAT A SINUS INFECTION WITH SALT WATER AND GODDAMNED MOONBEAMS.

Now I'm a reasonable person, and given the choice between a goddamned stupid cure and no cure at all, I'm likely to take the former. I went to the pharmacy and bought some stupid saline solution. Followed his directions to the letter - and here I am almost 24 hours later, still sick, but now I'm sick, pissed as hell, and $70 poorer.

Thanks, California medical establishment!