Gettin' tagged

Ok, Dr. Brazen, with all your memes, here you go:

I am deeply, deeply tired.
I want to reach the end of my to-do list.
I wish becoming a grown-up weren't so expensive.
I hate that the sum total of my life is a piece of paper and a graduate degree.
I love my family and my friends.
I miss sleeping in a bed.
I fear losing those I love.
I hear Sean Connery. (GreekBoy is watching a movie in his room.)
I wonder if I've delayed my life for too long.
I regret working so much.
I am not very good at opening up to people.
I dance the samba with very elderly men.
I sing only when I'm sure nobody is listening.
I cry very, very quietly.
I am not always listening when people ask me questions at work.
I make with my hands food.
I write sentences with proper construction – unlike the one above.
I confuse Milan and Madrid. My excuse? "Well, they're both in Italy."
I need to change my clothes.
I should start running more often.
I start the day on the couch, checking my e-mail.
I finish the evening on the couch, checking my e-mail.
I tag the lovely Wild-Eyed Rose, in the hope that she is more optimistic than me.

Like a bitch-funky sex machine

Until he moved to an unnamed midwestern city, I was being intensively wooed by a physicist. We hadn't spoken in a few months, but today I got an e-mail from my him. He said:

I met this girl who sort of looked like a less hot version of you and it made me sad!

Isn't that sweet? Also, I'm glad that this girl who sort of looked like me was less hot – otherwise, she might have had to die.

How does Quiz Galaxy know my innermost heart?

You are Farmer Ted from 16 Candles Let’s face it you are a nerd, but an endearing one. Because you are always trying to improve yourself socially you are able to do crazy stuff that most nerds would only dream of, like driving the hottest girl in school home without a license, while she tries to feed you birth control pills. Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Today in Bad Taste

CNN Sez:

What better title for an article about a baby with fused legs?

I *heart* Eurovision, pt. 2

Today in Eurovision:

Half of the group representing Moldova is a former member of the boy band O-Zone! I guess that's why the act is called 'Ex-O-Zone singer Arsenium and Natalia Gordienko'.



What it does not explain is why their song, "Loca" is partially in - not Moldovan - but Spanish. For example:

Every night I need my Loca
Every night I need her boca
Every night I need my Loco
Need him crazy just un poco

Now granted, Spanish lyrics about a girl's mouth are probably a hell of a lot easier to rhyme than something in Moldovan, like

Despite an economy based on vegetables and wine
We have 6% annual economic growth
This is rare for a former Soviet republic

It breaks my heart, though, to see that despite many advances, male eyebrow waxing technology has not yet come to Moldova. Keep reaching for the stars, guys!

I *heart* Eurovision!

I love the Eurovision song contest, if only because it's one-stop-shopping for beautiful Euro-boys, but I especially love it this year. Here's why:

1. Sakis Rouvas

Athens is the host city (Greece won last year- what can I say? They their shit together every 2,000 years or so) and the event is being MC'd by my favorite Greek pop star, Sakis Rouvas. Sakis, incidentally, was once a Eurovision contestant himself, and his perfomance included being lowered from the ceiling, shirtless, dressed in white Valentino, as described by my roomate (an androgynous greek boy himself) "like a beautiful gay angel."

Anyway, here's Sakis:



Yeah, that's niiiice.

2. Lordi

Finland usually bites the big one in Eurovision, mostly because of their insistence on entering native folksingers, and admittedly, it's not the most dance-able language. This year though, Finland is playing to its strengths and entering Lordi, the ass-kickingest black metal band I've never heard of. And in a field heavily biased towards fake blondes (see the participants here), they are a breath of fresh- I mean, dark, dank air directly from the bowels of Hades!

Here's the performance that won Lordi their Eurovision spot. The A-rock-alypse begins now!



Stay tuned for more Eurovision updates, and place your bets below!!

Fujiyama Rock City

This clip perfectly combines my love of all things Japanese, men in makeup, and the Zep. It is the platonic ideal of what a video clip should be.



Thanks to the viacious Prairie Oyster for the link!

I never would have guessed!

Looking at beautiful women makes men stupid!

Amazing!

Fake love makes me all weepy

You know what? I'm not going to comment on the new Cruise baby. Instead, I'm going to post this segment of the Tom Cruise interview on Primetime Live a few nights back. What does Tom have to say about the love of his life?

"She loves to laugh."

Wow, I guess Katie Holmes and I have nothing in common, 'cause I'm a stone-faced motherfucker. I hate laughter in all its myriad forms, including, nay, especially that which eminates from children.

But wait. I hope you've recovered from that info-gasm, because he also tells us that "she has a great smile". Strike two, Katie. My gaping maw is like the steaming mouth of Hell itself.

Finally, when Diane Sawyer asks him what Katies does that drives him nuts, he looks panicked for a few seconds, then says that there's nothing she does that makes him even remotely crazy.

Ok.

Now, I've never had a baby, it's true, but I have written a PhD thesis, and it was the most bloated, mood-swingy, self-pitying, acne-filled six months of my life. And if you'd ask S-i-R what I do that drives him nuts, I'd bet my left kidney that he'd be able to come up with one or two small issues. Katie Holmes has been pregnant for nine months of their one year relationship and he can't think of a single thing? I call shenannegans all over that shit.

Anyway, decide for yourself. It's not like you were getting any work done anyway.

Immigration

The emotional fragility bestowed upon me by the final days of my Ph.D thesis have given me the ability - nay, the right - to completely ignore most current issues. Therefore, my contribution to the immigration debate has been limited to helping Spaniard-in-Residence with his taxes (which, for the record, are about one million times less intuitive than the usual 1040-EZ).

Rather than muddy the blogosphere with my opinions, I'll just recommend that you read this cogent rebuttal of many arguments put forth by the reactionary rednecks of the world.

Also, FYI, did you know that English has been the official language of my home state of Indiana since 1984? It's true. You can check your state at the U.S. English website, although I warn you, any website proudly bearing a quote from Ayn Rand is sure to cause headaches, confusion, and brain damage in large doses.

The Seventh Seal of Awesome-ness is Opened!

Although I usually take a ethical stand against reading livejournals, I just couldn't resist this one.

This man made a cake out of Cadbury Creme Eggs. That's right, motherfucker, I said

Cake.

out of.

Cadbury Creme Eggs.

If your head hasn't already exploded, go there now. Let the pictures load, 'cause it's totally worth it.

Get Reincarnated

Go to The Reincarnation Station to find out how you'll be making your appearance in your next life. I'm a lion- hopefully, a male lion.

Eunichs 'n such

I was just reading this article from Philly's City Paper on elective castration. I thought that this quote was especially interesting:

Jim, a 57-year-old eunuch castrated on a friend's kitchen table eight years ago, believes it is a gross double standard. "If a woman went in and said she wanted her ovaries removed, the doctor would say, 'We can set you up on this date and it'll cost you X amount of dollars,'" says Jim. "Male goes in and says 'I want 'em removed,' it ain't gonna happen. We're left out in no-man's-land."

Now granted, a quick google search on women who chose to remove their ovaries (or elective oophorectomy, if you want to be precise) will reveal that most of these procedures are due to previous hysterectomy or high risk of ovarian cancer. In contrast, all of the men in the article underwent castration because they simply didn't want testicles. (Forty thousand men a year are surgically castrated for what the article calls "oncological reasons.)

A man who hates his testicles may need psychological treatment in addition to surgical treatment, but why should we treat that with more derision than this?

LaBlonde Overheard

(man talking on cell phone)

"Tell [man's name] I really appreciate the cock shot he sent me. Yeah? Yeah, but I would've liked to have seen it erect."

-University and Waverly

Friday hilarity, served raw

A clip from MTV's 'Wonder Showzen', in which kids answer the question "why is America #1?"

Because I refuse to think about the immigration debate, or the fact that Bush authorized the Plame leak, or that sectarian violence in Iraq is growing every day, or college kids who threaten to mutilate strippers.

You can if you want to, but don't say I didn't warn you.


In other news, I a van with the licence plate BDNKADNK on the way to the subway this morning.

LaBlonde's Cavalcade of Humiliation

I'm walking through SoHo this afternoon on my way to the Calvin Klein underwear store- the only place that sells bras for the seriously underendowed lady. But I've finally admitted defeat: no amount of lifting, separating, or bribery will give me cleavage. Seriously, if it weren't for walking down stairs, I wouldn't even need a bra.

So if the silent acceptance that there are pre-op trannies with nicer racks than mine wasn't enough, on the way, a bicycle messenger rides by and shouts at me, "Hey miss, you dropped...your brain!" Then, he points at me and laughs as he rides away. The other people on the sidewalk were looking at me like, "what leper colony did you wander out of?"

Because I don't have enough indignity in my life.

I wanna be sedated

My grandfather's funeral was today- I was unable to attend.

The college students I teach don't know how to read a graph.

I spent my weekend doing taxes and paying bills.

I have mild hayfever.

I went shopping and tried on a dress that ultimately turned out to be unflattering.

It's cold and rainy outside.

But I'm listening to Van Halen's "Why Can't This Be Love?"


Really, that's a very good question.



More intensive posting soon, I promise.