What the hell?
Oh my God... this isn't New York!!! Where the hell am I??
I see... hippies...
Watch this clip from Mystery Science Theater while I get my bearings.
Alphabet Antics
Ok, so I'll cut the crap - I moved to California. My entire wardrobe was made obsolete in a single day, and everyone out here rides bicycles with a weird, blissed-out look on their face. I suspect valium in the water supply.
Coffee shops do not offer skim milk.
The campus cafeteria has three tofu entrees and organic brown rice. Yet, no skim milk.
Suggesting that you walk somewhere is met with disbelief and suspicion.
There's a farmer's market in town. About six times a day, someone asks me if I've been to the farmer's market yet. I've had many conversations revolving around the farmer's market, what's at the farmer's market, a funny thing that happened at the farmer's market - FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S A FARMER'S MARKET. IT'S SOME TABLES WITH SOME GODDAMN VEGETABLES ON THEM. THEY'RE VEGETABLES. SOLD BY DIRTY HIPPIES. HIPPIES, JUST LIKE YOU, BUT DIRTIER, AND WITH VEGETABLES!
Ahem.
Also, just in case you were wondering, real orange trees look exactly like they do on TV. There, I just saved you the plane fare.
I see... hippies...
Watch this clip from Mystery Science Theater while I get my bearings.
Alphabet Antics
Ok, so I'll cut the crap - I moved to California. My entire wardrobe was made obsolete in a single day, and everyone out here rides bicycles with a weird, blissed-out look on their face. I suspect valium in the water supply.
Coffee shops do not offer skim milk.
The campus cafeteria has three tofu entrees and organic brown rice. Yet, no skim milk.
Suggesting that you walk somewhere is met with disbelief and suspicion.
There's a farmer's market in town. About six times a day, someone asks me if I've been to the farmer's market yet. I've had many conversations revolving around the farmer's market, what's at the farmer's market, a funny thing that happened at the farmer's market - FOR GOD'S SAKE, IT'S A FARMER'S MARKET. IT'S SOME TABLES WITH SOME GODDAMN VEGETABLES ON THEM. THEY'RE VEGETABLES. SOLD BY DIRTY HIPPIES. HIPPIES, JUST LIKE YOU, BUT DIRTIER, AND WITH VEGETABLES!
Ahem.
Also, just in case you were wondering, real orange trees look exactly like they do on TV. There, I just saved you the plane fare.
posted by La Blonde Parisienne at 12:05 AM
5 Comments:
The sky! Birds! Trees! No people! Parking spaces! What is happening? Argh!!!
- plaintive cry from a displaced New Yorker in Big Ten Uville.
we disgruntled new yorkians miss you! enjoy a dirty hippie orange for me!
Sister, this is your brother Aaron. I think you need to get some help. Nobody should be this angry over something so menial as hippies. Yes, they do smell and like vegetables. But you like sitting around talking about the latest dive bar that is "cool because no tourists go there" and is the REAL NY experience and how anybody NOT from NY is just a brainless hill monkey. So before you go ripping on these people don't make me remind all the 4 people that actually read these worthless blogs where you came from, and it's not Chicago. So i'm sorry everybody can't be like all the wonderful people I have seen roaming the streets of NY. It really is a wonderful place, if you like the smell of pee and like hearing about how you are a mindless hippie because you don't live in a 4 sq. foot apartment and revel in your own greatness. Fin.
Spoken like a true hill monkey.
Total zing from the New Yorkers. The hill monkeys and the anti-hippies all need to learn to play nice.
Post a Comment
<< Home