Notes from a despicable state, final edition

A childhood spent in the cesspool that is rural America is rare among my friends, most of whom spent their early years marinating in unjustified suburban ennui. Because of this, I am frequently asked about cow tipping as a rural tradition. I always give the same reply: it doesn't exist. Never has. Cows, while stupid, also tend to be structurally sound as a motherfucker. My friends have never believed me, because everyone in the suburbs, EVERYONE, has had a cousin or an uncle or a father they thought was their brother who ONCE WENT COWTIPPING, and it was AWESOME.

Well, thanks to News of the Weird and the Times of London, I've been vindicated.

News of the Weird (first item)

Take that!

Yeah? Well, why don't you go buy another shirt at 'Hot Topic'?

UPDATE The girls at Go Fug Yourself also hate Hot Topic. OMG! Isn't that crazy?