Overheard

... at the Drinking Liberally Manhattan holiday party.

"Is that Joe Pesci?"
"No, you douchebag, it's Joe Piscopo."
"Huh. He looks terrible."


"Are you a socialist?"
"How did you know?"
"Your tie. It screams socialist."
"Yeah, the stripes are kind of narrow."


"What do you do?"
"I'm a teacher."
"A piece of advice, dude: never date your students."
"I teach third grade. At a private boy's school."
"See? I'm a wise man."


"Why did you get into politics?"
"I'm an asshole. You?"
"I like ass-f**cking people. Thought I could do it professionally."