You May Hear A Rumor

...that it is my birthday. That would be correct: I am 29 years old today. I'd like to say thank you for the cards and congratulations that I've received, especially considering that all I did was go one more year without dying. The real congratulations should go to my mom, who brought me into the world all those years ago, and never acted on the temptation to take me back out. Thanks mom, I hope it's been worth it!

This Just In: Bush Hates Puppies, Your Grandma

In anticipation of budget cuts, the EPA is boxing up library materials and documents, ending public access to all EPA materials, and closing several libraries in the Midwest and South. How will this affect the way the EPA works? Well, I suspect it's similar to the way a razor blade to the hamstring would affect Marion Jones, but perhaps I'm being overly dramatic. Let's hear it from someone within the EPA:

“If OECA is involved in a civil or criminal litigation and the judge asks for documentation, we can currently rely upon a library to locate the information and have it produced to a court house in a timely manner. Under the cuts called for in the plan, timeliness for such services is not addressed.”

WHEW! And I was WORRIED! As long as it's going to make it harder for the government to prosecute people who violate environmental regulations it's A-OK by me. You're doin' a heckuva job, Bushy!

via Slashdot, which I read so you don't have to.

It's Not My Fault - I Exercise Ugly

I was running in the park this evening and two guys (I don't know, maybe college age - I can't tell anymore) were riding up on bicycles. Maybe I was getting checked out. Maybe. Because the next thing I know, one of the guys misses the pedal on his bike, falls off, skids sideways and takes out his friend.* Perhaps it was my fault, perhaps it wasn't, but I'll tell you one thing: I wasn't wearing a sport corset**.

*To the best of my knowledge, they both survived.

**For your information, I was wearing an old t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and a pair of shorts that used to belong to my mother. Not that it's anyone's business; I just thought you should know. Also, I was sweating profusely.

Sport-corset Fallout! Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Ugly

I've disagreed with Twisty in the past, but I'm going ditto-head on this one: the sport corset in an abomination.

Yet, there are women who defend their right to look sexy while they exercise. I have no problem with looking sexy (obviously, *wink, wink*), but this bothered me just a little bit:

When I do exercise (which is rare, aside from all the walking I do), I don’t exercise for my health; I exercise because I want to look good. And why do I want to look good? For men.

So wait-not only are you exercising solely to make your body more pleasing to men, but you are so afraid of male displeasure that you feel forced to look attractive while you are molding your body for male pleasure? Although I feel that occasionally, Twisty is too quick to brand straight women "patriarchal sexbots", I can't read quotes like the one above and not think, "Damn, girl, you are a slave." Where is the middle ground between "every act by a member of an opressed class is a political act" and "I must constantly be a dewy, nubile object of male fantasy"? If shocks me that while women desire the opportunity to be treated equally, many still haven't come to terms with their own humanity. Ladies: you are human beings. Human beings do gross things. They sweat and burp and crap and get nasty red zits, and occasionally, cactus dermatitis. So do the men that you're trying to hard to entice, and God knows they don't hide it. How can we expect men to treat us as equals if we don't give ourselves the luxury of being human?

UPDATE: What Amanda Marcotte said.

In California College Town, They Can't Hear You Scream

This is the view from the window of where I stayed. I could post other pictures, but they would be redundant, wouldn't they?

A List of Things I Did In San Francisco

• Climbed to the top of Bernal Hill Park.


• Ate peaches on the street in the Haight.


• Watched a drum circle in Golden Gate Park.


• Learned that there is some truth to the joke, 'What's worse than a drum circle?' The answer? 'Two drum circles'.


• Became proficient at parallel parking on a 50-degree hill, backwards and downhill


• Learned that 'don't ride your brakes down the hill' is well-intentioned, but ultimately hilariously un-useful advice.


• Walked through boutiques on Valencia


• Hung out with liberal (they call themselves 'progressive') bloggers.


• Learned that there's a lot of draahma associated with being a progressive blogger


• Decided that a group of democrats will be known as a horde of liberals while a group of republicans will be known as a virtue of conservatives. And, like as not, they will impregnate your daughter.


• Saw firefighters carry a dead guy out of the Mission Dolores Basilica.(Ok, not cool, per se, but it is something I did.


• Saw an underground sketch comedy show. Funniest thing? Guy talking about why he and his girlfriend had decided not to get married: "... plus, if I don't actually get to own her, what's the point?"

There was lots more: eathing tacos in the Mission, the Embarcadero, and especially hanging out with ET. One thing is certain, though. I'll be going back. Soon.

This is apropos of nothing, besides the fact that I really, really want you to see it. Can you believe a man would actually spend money on this? (Totally safe for work.)

Friday Random Ten - Jared Leto Edition

Did I mention I love Jared Leto? 'Cause I do - even if he stole my look from like, 13 years ago.

Space Clown - Jobriath (Standing in for Bowie in the FRT)
A Spoonful Weighs a Ton - The Flaming Lips
Don't Let It Show - The Alan Parsons Project
Hey Cassanova - Duncan Sheik
Endless Rain - X Japan (This is my new, most favoritest song)
Ordinary Boys - Morrisey (Even though every time I listen to Morrisey, Prairie Oyster dies a little inside)
Through With Buzz - Steely Dan
Shipbuilding - Elvis Costello
Wedding Song - The Psychadelic Furs
Hello, Good Night - The Aquabats

In Other San Francisco News

The San Francisco Zoo has a horse that may or may not be named after Ann Coulter. I would never denigrate a woman's opinions based solely upon her appearance, check the article and see for yourself. I'm just sayin'.

And if you haven't gotten your A.C. fix for the day, head over to Crooks and Liars to watch her claim that Afganistan is going "swimmingly" before getting run over by the TRUTH TRAIN™!!! Funny how someone who is so eager to send other people to their deaths gets very, very upset when other people talk over her.

"Waah, I'm Ann Coulter, and I didn't get my talking points in. Boo Hoo."

I'm so EXCITED!

I'm going to San Francisco for the weekend. Me and my cactus dermatitis (Did you even know there was such a thing? It's a rash you get after a cactus attack.) are out of here. Screw you, college town!

Please, Don't Marry Me!

Prairie Oyster addresses Forbes' horribly misogynist slideshow. (It's has been taken down and replaced with this. Cowards.)

In addition, the unfortunately named but very funny Hipster Pit produces her own twist on marrying a career woman.

P.S. For those of you interested, or who may possibly have money riding on this, the time lag between ExtremelyTall's arrival in SF and the phone call? 32 hours.

Today in Apathy

I just got an e-mail from John Edwards. Don't be too impressed. My hit and run with New York progressive politics means that I'm on about eleventy billion mailing lists. Almost every day, NARAL or Barbra Boxer or somebody is asking me to Make A Difference. Today it just happened to be 'ole J.E. But here's the thing: he's asking me to

Tell George Bush to lead the effort to create a NATO force in Darfur NOW

Don't get me wrong - I think that having a NATO force there, like, yesterday would help the situation a lot. But how absolutely deluded do you have to be to think that 1) GWB gives half a crap about anything going on in Darfur and 2) sending e-mails to the white house will have any influence on policy what-so-evah? Asking GWB to create a NATO force for Darfur is like me asking my mom's cat to make me dinner. I can be, like "Hey cat! Make me dinner!" The cat is just going to look at me, and like as not, crap on the carpet. It's the exact same thing.

Today in Really, Really Bad Ideas

Satan's own testicles

Today, I had a great idea. A really brilliant idea. On one of my runs through campus, I had noticed a prickly pear cactus - and it was fruiting. I decided to go out in the evening, pick a bunch of fruit, and take them back to La Maison du Blonde, where I would proceed to make jelly out of them. It was foolproof: easy, free, and most importantly, it would distract me from this hell hole they call a college town.

Although cooks.com assured me that I needed leather gloves and BBQ tongs to pick the fruit, when I got out there, they looked so harmless: no big thorns, and definitely nothing that would necessitate BBQ tongs. I scoffed at cooks.com's hyperbole. I reached up and grabbed. I will henceforth refer to this as mistake number one.

The reason you can't see any visible stickers on the prickly pear fruit is because the entire goddamned thing is covered in miniscule, hairlike thorns. And now, so was my hand. I tried to use my other hand to brush them off, but as dermatology.org would tell me about an hour too late, this was mistake number two, because the thorns will stick to anything your rub them against. Now I had billions of tiny thorns in both hands. Attempts to shake them off, or as I like to call it, mistake number three, only managed to lodge them in my tongue, lips, and the roof of my mouth. Oh yeah.

At this point, I was about a mile and a half from home, covered in very small and, might I say, quite painful little thorns, and completely alone. What to do? I pulled out my cell phone, called my only friend in this time zone, the vivacious Prarie Oyster, and sheepishly asked her if she could do a google search on "cactus spine removal" for me. She gave me far more sympathy than I deserved (seeing that I've just done the most moronic thing possible) and soon I was home.

The answer? Candle wax. Remove the really stubborn ones with tweezers. Or rather, have your significant other remove them with tweezers. I'm right handed, and tweezing with my left hand requires a dexterity that I don't currently possess. Unfortunately, I also don't currently possess a significant other, which means I'm still carrying quite a few thorns in my fingers. I got out enough of them to type and go to the bathroom. You know, the essentials. I'm going to have to take out my contact lenses eventually, but I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it. Let me assure you, though, that nothing makes for a fun evening like pulling tiny, sharp hairs out of your tongue. It goes right next to stepping barefoot on legos on my list of things that suck balls.

Morale is at an all-time low here in la maison. I'm exhausted, in pain, my kitchen is covered in hardened wax, and my attempts at whining are like a tree falling in the forest. I quit - I'm going to bed.

CNN screws up science reporting, part eleventy billion

Scientists: 'Hobbit' was ancestor of pygmy

Sweet christ. No wonder most people believe in intelligent design. I read the original PNAS article today, and CNN's summary of this is disgraceful.

Only 124 days 'till Christmas

For all the men in your life who can't seem to keep their hands off their junk, there's the ManHood. Apparently, circumcision makes everything more easily irritated, so this guy made an artificial foreskin. Although it kind of looks like tiny klan hood, I suppose it functions more like a little dust cover for your penis (not mine, obviously).

See the ManHood! Beware: the really interesting parts of the site are NSFW, and it plays music for no apparent reason, so turn your volume down before clicking.

For your right-wing uncle who has everything, why not some Genuine New Iraqi Dinars? Sure, they aren't technically currency as such, but the Bet On Iraq assures you:

When a bank with branches in the US has established a presence in Iraq, we should be able to exchange them here in the US.

Even though...

BetOnIraq.com currently will not buy your dinars back, it is likely that when a market develops, we will.

A cynical, amoral lefty might say that this means that Dinars actually have no value, but that would mean that you hate freedom. Probably you hate kittens, too. Commie.

In the words of Spaniard-in-Residence:

You sell dollars, and you get dinars. How good is that!

And if you can't trust a citizen of a country that has currently pulled all their troops out of the middle east, who can you trust?

Besides, you can't get them a cast-resin Native American-shaped figurine every year...

What kind of meat are you: because you have to know.

You Are Duck

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally. You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

Today in Cognitive Dissonance

From George W. Bush's press conference this morning:

"I would never question the patriotism of someone who disagrees with me."*


From LaBlonde, who was doing her hair whilst listening to the press conference:

"But... you... How can you... (unintelligible sputtering).... YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME!!!
(Sighs)Yeah, fine. Whatever. Terrorists hate freedom."**

*The quote is approximately what he said, since I can't fine the transcript online yet.

**Did you notice how he was referring to the NSA's warrantless wiretapping as "terrorist surveillance", rather than what is really is - "ordinary American surveillance"? A clever one, that GWB.

LaBlonde Book Club

What did I do on my blogging hiatus? Well, I worked, and I read. One of the things I read was Barbra Kingsolver's "Prodigal Summer". I've read several books by this author, and I think I remember enjoying them all. "The Bean Trees" was good, and so was "Poisonwood Bible". Plus, I was at work, and I needed some reading material (*ahem*), and it was either "Prodigal Summer" or "The Inuit of Northern Alaska". Sometimes, life's choices are bleak.

And they were about to get much bleaker. Seriously, I hated this book more than anything I've read since "Angels and Demons" (or as I like to call it "Cell Phones Don't Have a Dial Tone, Dickhole!!"). However, it wasn't just scientific inaccuracy or a non-acquaintance with the physics of everyday life that made me hate "Prodigal Summer" so much; it was that it might as well have been titled "Barbra Kingsolver Goes to a Womyn's Drum Circle and Becomes a Really Crappy Writer".

The book is set in rural Appalachia, a place to which I've personally never been, but where apparently, everyone is a stereotype. You've got the gossiping shopkeeper, the sanctimonious Bible-thumper, the eccentric, college-educated environmentalist, and especially the deeply good character, the one who in spite of all the indignity that life has thrown at her, never loses her sense of humor. This character, of course, bites it. Hard.

It tells the story of three women: a young one, a middle-aged one, and an old one. Perhaps what Kingsolver is trying to tell us through these characters is that there are three ages of woman, each beautiful and rewarding in its own way, and each with its own trials and glories. That the only way to move on is to put the pain of the previous stage behind you. Or perhaps she just hates her readers, and is trying to commit murder by bludgeoning us with an obvious metaphor.

One of my problems with the book is that within the first twenty pages, Kingsolver has already mapped out the specific life lesson that each protagonist is supposed to learn during the course of the novel. As the story progresses, she basically stops trying, and just describes each new character in terms of the life lesson he or she will be required to learn (see: 'stereotypes', above). For example, one of the women in the story was the only child of estranged parents, and now feels smothered by her new husband's many siblings. Do you think that she'll see the value of family, possibly involving an adorable child (see: 'deeply good character bites it', above), before the end of the book? Ooooh, I'm voting for 'yes'!

The thing I object to the most, though, is the character of the old woman, or rather, Kingsolver's treatment of her. Of course, she is feisty, full of piss and vinegar, and A Lesson To Us All. But Kingsolver spends so many pages describing the beauty of the real female body and the wonder that is using it to bang a jailbait farmhand, yet the old woman never gets any. No, she has to be content with some low-level cuddling. I have a serious problem with this, especially in light of how many words Kingsolver wastes describing the sexual cycles of her female protagonists - seriously, the book takes place over three months, yet we get to read about a biologically impossible number of ovulations, menstruations, and "not so fresh feelings". The actions of the younger women in the book are guided by these rhythms; mostly guided into having vaguely described sex-lite. They do it again and again and, God help me, again. It's because of Kingsolver's florid yet repetitive prose describing the joy of all things female that I don't think it's a coincidence that the only woman in the book who isn't fertile also doesn't get to have any sex. Apparently, she doesn't even want it, but is content to think back warmly on her younger, possibly more passionate days (once again, Kingsolver is long on words and short on details). Is Kingsolver suggesting that while men are innately sexual, female sexuality only exists in the context of our fertility? That the only reason a woman would become aroused is because of a basic biological drive, and only then because the author is trying to create yet another tremendously labored metaphor (this time to moths and coyotes)? Didn't the drum circle teach her anything?? But it also reminds me - I could dissect the point that each protagonist in the story is also metaphorically associated with an aspect of nature, but I'm tired of typing the word metaphor, and really, it's just a metaphor in the broadest sense, like me saying, "This book is a giant pile of crap". See? I've just drawn a parallel between crap, which comes out of your ass, and "Prodigal Summer" which was obviously pulled out of someone's ass*. Oprah's Book Club, here I come!

P.S. Another major theme is that rugged, yet taut young men are all desperately horny for women between the ages of 30 and 45. I'd like to savage this point as well, but I'm not going to. Mostly because I'm really, really hoping that it is true. Oh yeah, two more years and then its all the strong-but-silent high school seniors I can handle. Thanks, Barbra Kingsolver!

Update: I seem to remember Al Franken making a similar joke in his excellent book "Lies...". If so, my apologies to Mr. Franken for being so goddamned funny.

Blogging Hiatus

Hey everybody-

I will be putting the blog on hiatus for about a week.

Best,

LaBlonde

I can't even describe this

The president of Iran has a blog. Next to Syria's MySpace page (which I never visit - it always plays that stupid Nickleback song), it's gotta be one of the more novel things on the web.

Instant inspiration

Make your own motivational poster!

via lifehacker

Humanity is doomed

Somebody over at Something Awful did a little artful data mining on the recently released AOL search logs. This is the result. If you can read this and not think that we deserve to exterminate each other, I applaud your optimism. 'Cause it makes me feel like I should quit my job and devote myself to developing some sort of addiction.

But what really bothers me is the picture

Your Personality Is Like Heroin

You're capable of the highest highs and the lowest lows. Addicted to feeling good, you'll do almost anything to avoid pain. People seek you out, even though you can be quite moody. They're hooked on you!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

via clare

Friday Random 10

Summer Days - Bob Dylan
Young Offender - Pet Shop Boys
Fighting in Built Up Areas - Ladytron
The Flower of Carnage - Meiko Kaji
Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung
Find The River - R.E.M.
Dance the Night Away - Van Halen
The Magnificent Seven - The Clash
Si Je Meurs Ce Soir - MC Solaar
Believe - Cher

Sweet love hangover

No, that's definitely a sangria hangover, that beverage being both cheap and plentiful in these parts.

The demographics of this place being what they are, I ended up hanging out with a bunch of couples last night. It's good for me, because being around couples reminds me why I should never, ever talk to men, on the off chance that I accidentally end up a part of one. Anyway, nobody could ever make being a fifth wheel as fun and Dr. Brazen Hussy and Publius. Happy anniversary, guys!

Plus, I learned last night that there are mountain lions in town. That's right - moun. tain. li. ons. I could be walking around, minding my own business and WHAM - out of nowhere have my throat ripped out by a vicious carnivore. So I've got that going for me.

Spam politeness continues!

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Spam 'o the day

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Have you ever noticed...

...that seeing a three-legged dog makes you think about stuff?

Hopefully, the final word on colon cleanliness

First, a trip through the wonderful world of tissue cleansing and colon health, including some pictures that you're probably going to wish you hadn't seen. Really, all you need to know is this:

The following photographs are taken from Tissue Cleaning Through Bowel Management, a 1981 treatise by nutritionist Dr. Bernard Jensen (b. 1908, d. 2001)... He based his philosophy in the homeopath Constantine Hering's Law of Cure -- "All cure starts from within out and from the head down and in reverse order as the symptoms have appeared" -- which led him to the corollary that all illness stemmed from dysfunctions of the bowel.

Next, a breath of fresh air from Quackwatch, assuring me that poo doesn't actually build up, and in fact:

Some people have reported expelling large amounts of what they claim to be feces that have accumulated on he intestinal wall. However, experts believe these are simply "casts" formed by the fiber contained in the "cleansing" products.

All I can say is thank GOD. I have spent a really disproportionate amount of time thinking about colon health and especially tons and tons of scary built-up internal poo over the past ten days. I can finally relax, and you can finally never read about this topic anymore.

Finally, in case you were interested, how clean should your colon be? This site reminds us, though, that for every point of view, there will be an opposite and freaking insane point of view, such as this commenter at the above-linked site:

As an individual who has endured FDA-approved drugs for almost every ailment know to man, without a cure, I think it is hypocritical to label all alternative treatments as scams. I recently began a colon hydrotherapy program and have had wonderful results. I don't have to worry about having an FDA-approved drug recalled because of its side effects, either, since the active ingredient is filtered water!

Yes m'am (or sir) the active ingredient is filtered water. Approximately 20 gallons of filtered water shot into your colon at high pressure. Air is all natural, too, but now that I know better, I won't go putting that in my rear, either.

I'm ashamed of myself

...but I still think this is funny.

Monday I-have-my-PhD-Goddamnit

Middle-Aged German Visiting Researcher: So are you a grad student? A technician?

Me: I'm the Postdoc.

MAGVR: No... really? You don't look like you could be a postdoc.

Me: Yes. I am.

MAGVR: Really? You don't look old enough to be a postdoc.

Me: You're really just going to have to trust me on this.

Book Meme

Tagged by Dr. Brazen. Ok, here we go..

1. One book that changed your life?

Tao Te Ching, by Lao Tzu. Special mention goes to The Demon-Haunted World, by Carl Sagan.

2. One book you have read more than once?

I'll read pretty much anything multiple times. I read my copy of Jane Eyre to shreds, but my Dad's copy of Grow It! met the same fate.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien. It's the literary equivalent of chocolate chip cookies in bed on a rainy day.

4. One book that made you laugh?

The Straight Dope, by Cecil Adams. Also, anything by the Harvard Lampoon.

5. One book that made you cry?

Recently, Jimmy Corrigan, or The Smartest Kid on Earth, by F.C. Ware. When they told me it was a graphic novel more depressing than Maus I really should have listened.

6. One book you wish had been written?

An idiot's guide to Nietzche, Keirkegaard and Schopenhauer. I'm sure they exist separately, but I'm talking about, like, 100 pages that I can read in the bathroom so as not to look like a total moron at parties.

7. One book you wish had never been written?

The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Fucking Brown. Also, quite possibly the entire Harry Potter series. Now hear me out - I don't object to fun, escapist reading. I've read to many fantasy paperbacks to say that. What I object to is people who never read anything, and get all self-congratulatory because they actually cracked a book, albeit a book that offers no intellectual challenge AT ALL. As for Harry Potter, I read them too, but I don't understand how you can stay engaged if all you read are books for 12-year-olds. Special mention goes to the entire chick-lit genre.

8. One book you are currently reading?

The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan. Also The Science of Good and Evil, by Michael Shermer.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy. I swear to God, I have been trying to finish this book for decades, and I just can't get into it. I am a failure at fiction.

10. Now tag five people.

Screw you, meme.

Just Pretend It's Friday Random Ten

A health crisis (not mine) at work yesterday prevented me from posting. Better late than never?

1. Rain Rider - The Nazz
2. 18th Avenue (Kansas City Nights) - Cat Stephens
3. She Came in Through the Bathroom Window - Joe Cocker
4. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
5. This Old Flame - Poco
6. Lady-Oh - Neil Diamond
7. Martha My Dear - The Beatles
8. Girl of My Dreams - Daniel Johnston
9. Oh! You Pretty Things - David Bowie (Because it wouldn't be my FRT without Bowie)
10. She's a Mystery to Me - Roy Orbison

The Left Coast Fast Food Roundup

Recently, an overzealous commitment to fitness combined with poor coping skills has left me needing to gain some weight. Now, before we start in with the angry comments, hear me out: like all good feminists, I believe that beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes... which is why you shouldn't hate on me for my fast metabolism. Plus, I have a flat ass. Seriously - like a pancake. Lucky for me, there is a whole range of fast-food restaurants here on the West Coast with which I'm completely unfamiliar! Ahoy for greasy food adventure!

In-n-Out
The Upside:
Possibly the greatest french fries in the known universe. Seriously. If, like, you found an artisan french-fry carver living in a cave in Belgium and he was use a knife blessed by both popes to carve for you perfectly symmetrical french fries from potatoes dug from the soil by rosy-cheeked Idahoan children in the misty dawn, they wouldn't be as good as these little fuckers. The burgers aren't bad either, and it makes up for the fact that the menu contains approximately four things.

The Downside:
Everyone in the universe knows how good the fries are, so prepare to wait in line. I recommend a little Journey on the car stereo and a little auto-karaoke, but that's jut me. Also, the employees tend to be extra cheerful, so I think it may be a front for a suicide cult.

Jack-in-the-Box
The Upside:
You can get a malted chocolate milkshake - it's like a chocolate Blizzard with crushed up Whoppers candies. Totally artificial, but it's the artificially flavored frozen beverage of the GODS.

The Downside:
Everything else.

Sonic
The Upside:
This is a little bit of a cheat, because they do have Sonic drive-ins back East; I'd just never been to one. The burger was OK, but they get an A+++ for putting the little pelleted ice bits in their drinks. Also, the cherry limeade has so much sugar in it that I'm currently contemplating all the stuff I'm going to get done when I never sleep again.

The Downside:
Points off for playing "Paris Hilton by request" on the Sonic Radio Network. Also, the fries were mediocre. Double points off for making me drive to a town full of scary rednecks just to eat the mediocre fries. Finally, although I didn't have one, their milkshakes come in "Blue Coconut" flavor - not bad so much as counterintuitive and vaguely troubling.

Del Taco:
The Upside: I've never actually eaten at Del Taco, because the drive-through is right next to a KFC and I always end up getting chicken instead. I'm not sure I'm missing out on anything, because there are a couple of decent burrito places in town.

The Downside:
Is there a downside to never having eaten at Del Taco?

The Verdict:
In-n-Out is a clear winner in food quality and value, although Sonic gets a big up for selling liquid methamphetamine in handy cherry-limeade form. I've yet to find something to replace my beloved Shake Shack (the Madison Square Park one, not the black-and-white decor, little tiny french fry one). Stay tuned, as I continue to abuse my digestive and cardiovascular systems. I could be drinking protein shakes, but where's the fun in that?

Update!: Just as Dr. Brazen pointed out that I had neglected Jollibee, I realized that I had forgotten to include Carl's Jr. However, I saw today that they are introducing a Pastrami Burger. That's right, bitches, a double cheeseburger topped with delicious pastrami; meat with a meat garnish. I'd like to try this monstrosity just to say that I had, but I'm afraid that my head will explode merely from contemplation of its meaty goodness.

And there was much rejoicing

I merge back into the express lane. Next stop, Blogsylvania!

This is my new MacBook. It's going to be tough, getting over the loss of my PowerBook. We'd been through so much together - laughter, tears, porn... often simultaneously. But maybe, just maybe, with time and patience, I can learn to love again.

From the "I don't think that means what you think it means" file

Click on the photo to go to the article.

Next up: LaBlonde among the most brilliant minds in the universe.