Taking a moment to be angry and shallow

Recently, I had a huge fight with a very close friend over his new girlfriend- we're all graduate students in the same program, and she's had designs on this guy for years, all the while resenting the fact that we were friends. Once she got her filthy hooks in, she began telling him lies about mean things I had done to her, and, because she was his personal cock-hole (I mean, he's only a man), he believed her rather than me. He and I are no longer friends. Because of this bitch (did I mention she's extremely hairy?)

Today, I received a group e-mail from the president of our university, inviting me (and lots of other students) to dinner at his residence. A few hours later, I see an e-mail from this she-beast in my inbox (did I mention that her last boyfriend left her for another man?) I was confused as to why she was e-mailing me when I realized that she was responding to the earlier e-mail from the president, and was merely too stupid to avoid hitting 'reply to all' (did I mention that after said boyfriend left her, she offered to have his baby anyway?)

Perhaps it's hard to see the keyboard over a couple of flat, saggy tits.

In a way, it was a godsend, because now I know that I will regretfully not be attending.

UPDATE While I tried to rise above commenting on the she-beast's e-mail incompetence, others did not, and almost immediately there was a message asking that she maybe use more than two brain cells when responding to e-mail. She replied with an apology, again, to everyone on the list. While I suspect that she might want to try getting her Ph.D in point-missing, another person responded: "Let's just make this the last e-mail you send, ok, [she-beast]?"

A few words about straight men, for a change

Some of my regular readers know me in real life, and they know that for the past year-and-a-half, I was the only full-time female researcher in a lab of 6-8 men. (Now, there are two of us.)

So amidst all the dick jokes (it's common practice when something exciting happens to ask me if I got a boner), there were some actual moments of wisdom.

For example, very occasionally I agonize over the men in my life. Being generally decent human beings, the guys listened (or pretended to, anyway) when I asked a very, very common female question:

"What did he mean when he said that?"

After a billion repetitions, one of them finally sighed and said, very patiently, "What happened one femtosecond before he said it? That's what he meant." I was introduced to what the guys call 'lizard brain'- and it was revolutionary to me. They explained that they see the world in 30-second increments, only think about one thing at a time, and if that one thing is them potentially having sex, well, so much the better.

I had fallen into a trap: I assumed that men think like women.

Now most of these guys are married, and, for all the complaining about their wives, there's one fact that isn't in dispute: they need their wives, because their wives are smarter than they are.

That's why it makes me so sad to read things like this, where a single, lonely woman stays single because none of the men she meets fill her 'values' requirements. It makes me even sadder to read the response (written by another woman) that all she needs to do is hang in there, because Mr. Right is comin'.

Ma'm? You haven't found a man that fits your requirements, because if you want someone who thinks and acts like you, you don't want a man, you want a woman. When you decide to go for a man, certainly you want someone who respects you and your sexual choices, but you're gonna have to take him in all of his sex-wantin', dick-jokin', questionable grooming practices glory.

Many feminists are hard on men. I like men. That's why it upsets me when other ladies try to feminize my guys in the name of moral values.

/rant

Russia's greatest love machine

Here's a link to the video for Boney M's song "Rasputin". It ranks among LaBlonde's favorite songs not involving Trent Reznor, and, oddly enough, served as the opening credits for a nature special I did for public access TV in the late 90's.

(link via Screenhead.)

Evidently, the myth of Rasputin's giant cock is just that. A myth.

Also, following with our theme of all things Russian, I saw Night Watch this weekend. I enjoyed it very much, but LaBlonde's Spaniard-in-residence found it too nonlinear, sort of like a cross between The Matrix, Nosferatu and Muholland Drive.

Johnny, are you queer?

Ok, so the Olympics are over. It's bittersweet for LaBlonde, who will no longer get to see pictures of beautiful, androgynous euro-men (like the lovely Enrico Fabris)


Oh yeah. Mama likes.

I also loved Johnny Weir, in all of his gorgeous, waxed-chest fabulosity. What can I say? I'm a sucker for guys in giant sunglasses who look like they might not be opposed to making out with other guys.

...which is why I'm amazed that there was so much "is-he-or-isn't-he" going on. So, for middle America, for figure skating, and for the right of men everywhere to wear eyeliner, here's a collection of my favorite Johnny Weir links.
.

Put on your red kabballah string and your pinky ring, because here we go!

Malcontent adds "pop-ups" to Weir's NBC profile piece

Gawker posts his myspace profile (unfortunately, the original has been taken down.)

LaBlonde's Olympic theme "Johnny Weir, are you queer? (probably NSFW, unless your boss is really laid back about gay adult content.)

And of course, our boy's official website

A post that will appeal to like, three people

TVgasm has a picture of Food Network's Alton Brown with his wife and kid.


Maybe this is a bit stalker-y, but admit it– you always wondered what kind of woman married this man.

Something you should know.

Oh yeah, it appears that Google won't let folks in the US watch extremely boring video of Iraqi weapons depots getting blown up. Because it might make you hate freedom. Or something.

Anyway, read the story and watch the video at Screenhead, and try not to mourn the death of the republic too much.

Here's a picture of an adorable bunny.


Now don't you feel better?

Party like it's 1899

An Iowa man constructs a "Contract of Wifely Expectations" demanding that she submit to him in all things. Let's hope that doesn't include spelling or punctuation.

The godly folk of Akron, Ohio construct a mighty zepplin 'so that we might bring an end to the cursed air-folk once and for all'.

Ok, so I made up that last part.

Because it's Friday, and I hate you.

Like that pink mesh tank top from your boyfriend's mom, here's another gift you never wanted: the Kid Rock-Scott Stapp sex tape.

Watch it at Fleshbot.

Your suffering brings me joy.

Heh. Loser.

A quote from Teri Hatcher:

"I want to be monogamous and I want to be with somebody I can trust and I can really divulge who I am, and all my secret fabulous mysterious passions, some of them dark and some of them not."

Like your inner self isn't just as vacuous and boring as your outer self.

Oh Teri, your pain is soooooo unique. Nobody could possibly be as mysterious and deep as you. Moron.

Note: So yeah, mocking Teri Hatcher for being stupid and desperate is shooting fish in a barrel. You know what? I'm small and filled with rage. Happy Valentine's day to me.

There's no reason to stay in NYC now.

LaBlonde's favorite restaurant has closed.

Damn it.

via Eater

Again with the Mormons?

Members of a FLDS community on the border of Utah and Arizona are being tested by God. Yeah, right- it's called "don't marry your cousin", and definitely don't marry six or seven of them.

"You and your wife are related," Tarby said he told the man.
The father replied, "Up there we're all related." Tarby said he was not sure if the man meant "up there in Colorado City or up there in heaven."

Is there a difference?

via Daily Rotten 'cause I'm raw like that.

T-F'ing-G-I-F, suckas!

Today was my first day back in the lab after a week-long illness.

Tha Boss: Did you have any plans this weekend?

LaBlonde: Um... no?

TB: Good. We've got a shitstorm- here's the data, and there's a sleeping bag and a change of clothes in my office. See you on Monday.

Just FYI- the boss has already cracked into the tequila. Your truly is not so lucky.

Instead, I get to console myself with the following spam e-mail, which counts among the greatest attempt to sell me after-market pharmaceuticals ever to grace my inbox:

Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as "Klinton-Levinsky".
After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot!
It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to
shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra.
What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive.
It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!

True dat, brother. True dat.

Maybe SCOTUS is gonna be OK after all.

Justice Antonin Scalia and I have so much in common. He hates evil, I also hate evil; he wrote the dissenting opinion in 1996's United States vs. Virginia , I have always defended the right of men to shower together unfettered by the presence of women. Who knew then, that we were both also vehemently pro-orgy?

Ok, so this is old news (as in, October 2004 old), but still, in these dark days, doesn't this help a little?

"I even take the position that sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and ought to be encouraged."

Whew, that never gets old, does it?

NYT: You Don't F@#$ing Say...

Alito Vote May Be Decisive in Marquee Cases This Term

You know, I was running out of reasons to get drunk and cry. Thanks!!




P.S. If drunken sobbing isn't your thing, have The Democratic Agenda laid out for you at The Tank tonight (2/1). It's free, and it won't make your eyes all red and puffy.